Sister Kailey Chandler: The Turning Point

Okay. So I had this email all written down ready to send by the end of the day yesterday, and then the spirit overwhelmed my entire being while pondering the events that took place this week. So, I erased it and started over! This one will be directed by the spirit, and I hope you gain something from it. I have never been so on fire as I am right now, and have been since Saturday :)

I thought missionaries were like people with super powers and never faced trials or temptations. When I heard people say that missions were hard, I always wondered what on earth could be hard about a mission; I can handle rejection, but I guess some people struggle in that area.

After being on a mission for 14 months, I came to the realization that overcoming the natural man, and all of your weaknesses is HARD. You live on a higher plane than the rest of the world when you're set apart as a missionary! We don't watch TV, the only social media we are connected to is Facebook and even then we aren't on it very much. We only listen to music that is uplifting and invites the spirit, our language is advanced in comparison to high school and worldly lingo, we pray before we go/think/do/eat anything, we feast upon the words of the prophets- ancient and modern- every single day for 2 hours minimum! Adjusting to this higher level of spirituality and life in general is a struggle! At least for me it was. Eventually it becomes your way of life and feels like the only kind of lifestyle you know how to live. What even is life like when you're not a missionary?? What did I do before my mission??

So as time goes on, you get the hang of things! As you get stronger and your testimony grows, the Lord sees that you're ready for more growth! In other words, you're ready for a trial. Now, I know that we won't be tempted above that which we can bear, and I know that our trials won't be harder than we can handle, but in the middle of the dark tunnel it's so hard to see the light. Before my mission I was in that dark tunnel of growth, and when it went away, the Lord saw fit to strengthen me further!

I've been facing an ongoing trial for the past 14 months and it's been a roller coaster of trying and failing and trying and failing to overcome it. On top of that, Sister Williams and I have been facing loads of opposition for the past 3 weeks that hinder our effectiveness when it comes to the work. My temporal, spiritual, mental, and physical self was exhausted. I felt weak in all of those areas and... Melancholy. Saturday afternoon I finally broke. I was so incredibly fed up with feeling the way I've been feeling my entire mission off and on. I said the longest prayer I've ever said in my life! You know in the Book of Mormon when Enos prays all day and wrestles with God? I totally had an Enos moment! I was filled with frustration and irritation, and then the thought came to me... "You're the idiot trying to do this by yourself". I realized in that moment that I hadn't been applying the atonement in my daily life; I haven't been holding the hand that has been continuously outstretched in my direction for so long. I don't have to do this life alone! I've always known that, but when you actually realize it and let it sink in, you truly understand and feel the truthfulness of it.

My whole life my parents have been my best friends. Best. Friends. I used to come home almost every night and stay up for hours talking to my dad about everything from pointless to important. My parents have always been my number one fans in ALL that I've done. I know that I can do anything I set my mind to if I try and do my part because Heavenly Father will do His part - they taught me this principle at a young age and I've always believed it whole heatedly. I do not give up until I master whatever it may be that I'm trying to accomplish, because I KNOW that I can do it! On my mission I can't turn to my parents the way I could if I was home, or able to call them on the phone. I can't have late night chats with my dad anymore, or hear the pep talks I need to move forward. I have learned, especially last Saturday, that I need to turn to Heavenly Father for late night chats. I need to hear and feel HIS pep talks, hold HIS hand, and develop the relationship that I have with my parents, with HIM. I'm close to the savior and my Heavenly Father, but not as close as I know I could/need to be.

Since my wrestle with God, I've imagined every single day literally holding the savior's hand through all things. Tightly. I've also learned through multiple experiences throughout the past 3 weeks, that Satan does NOT want me to learn these things. My spiritual eyes have been in a fog that I've been trying to push through, and finally it's all clear again! I can see the hand of the Lord in all the details of this transfer. I can see why Satan is working so hard to create that fog and hold us back. Together, Sister Williams and I are bomb. I've never had a companionship like this before, and when we are both having a good, healthy day, we sprint. We do work, and the devil does not want that! We literally feel it every day! This area is booming. If we are down and sick and foggy, we can't be as effective as the Lord needs us to be. For some reason it's taken us 3 weeks to realize how real the adversary is, and how real Heavenly Father is. Finally we are both back on our feet, ready more than ever to take off. We are on fire. I don't know if any of that made sense, but it does in my head :)

I could tell you about the details of every day this week, but I don't feel the need to today. The Clark family is so ready to be baptized, and they're progressing every single day :) We have a potential investigator who wants SO badly to take the lessons and get baptized but her grandmother (who is her guardian) isn't on the same page. Prayers to soften the grandma's heart would be great! The work is hastening like mad over in Gainesville. We have like, 7 referrals from the members and each referral is prepared. I pray that I get to stay here for one more transfer. The likely hood of that happening is 50-50, and I'll do whatever the Lord needs me to do.... but I'm throwin' a request His way to keep me here for 9 more weeks instead of 3 ;)

We had a service project with our district raking leaves in a massive yard this week! It was raining the whole time so we were soaked and muddy; that being said, we decided it would be fine to build huge piles of leaves to jump in. It was so much fun :)